rindunyaaaa

dear my lovely blogger ... sorry 4 the "hangkang" language ...

sincerely ,,dah lama aq nda rasa cmne ...dlu aq rsa cmne tym form 3 ...mc kecik g tp dah pndai rasa cmne ...sakit n sebak yg sgt menyengat d jiwa seorg remaja ...tp ap yg aq rsa tuh aq mnyesal ...coz rsa sakit itu bkn mberi kebahagiaan tp akhirnyaa kekecewaan ...

kini ,,aq b'mula g ...apbla usia mnginjak 18 ,,fikiran matang ckit ...n org yg baru mula menjengah hatiku yg duluny aq biarkn kosong ....tlh byk aq harungi ktka dgnnya ...mnungguny dlm hujan ,,tp dy lgsung xdtg ....d tgglkn bgtu shja olhny demi kwnny n bliauny ...ahaha ...mcm2 lg ...semua knangan pahit tuh wat aq nangis nangis n terus mnangis .....tp skg aq smkin bhgia d smpingny ......

aq t'tny2 ,,npa aq blum pnah g merasa rindu yg t'amat sgt kpdny spt yg aq rsa dlu ??..skg ,,aq tw ...aq penakut ...yeahh aq mngaku ...aq tkut utk kecewa lg ...aq takut aq akn rsa kepedihan yg pnah aq rsai dhlu ...itulh tindak tanduk q yg skg aq kawal ...perasaan yg membuak2 aq tahan ....bgtu jua perasaan ini ...prsaan rindu yg sgt mncengkam ...

bru malam ne aq dpt rasa ...rinduny aq ngan dya ....sakit aty q ...bila nda dgr suarany ...aq jeles bila org yg dkt dgnny boleh meluangkn masa dgnny ...tp ..,,npa kami mst b'jauhn?? ...nda pa r ..mungkin jarak ne suatu kebaikan ...tiba2 ,,aq dpt rsa skt d dada ne ...skit yg t'amat sgt ...adkh aq ,,tllu mrinduiny ??..adkh aq ....

tp aq tkut ...rsa ini smkin kuat ...n smkin susah utk aq m'hindariny ...sukarny utk aq tolak perasaan semulajd ne ...duhai hati ...,,benarknlh perasaan ini mngalir terus spt sungai ...benarkn aq merasainy sekali lagi ...aq merinduimu syg ...sgt mrinduimu ...baru aq tau bkn kw shj yg nda bule tnp mndgr suara q ...akhirnya aq fhm prsaanmu itu ...maaf krna utk sktka aq angkuh ...sjujurny ,,kw bjaya merajai hatiku ....

tahniah syg q .....andai kata kw bca diari q ini ...tlg r hbungi aq ...aq tllu t'desak utk mdgr suaramu ....

love u e ....

what should i do??

problem problem problem !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........

i'm really don't know what to do ..should i go back n face the prob or just stay here n pretend dt there's nothing to worry about ?.there r 2 choice ...but i must think it fast be4 i regret ...

if i go back ...

+ve thought : i'll always be by my parents side ...helps mom ,,, n dad too ...try to ease them ..
-ve thought : i'll always faced the faces ...arggghhh ...my hurt will hurt so much ..then ,,i'll hate them more than ever ..

hah ???..i don't want to bcme the one who are full of spite !!...i want to change myself to be the better one ...myb yes ,,i'm not perfect !!!...no one too ...but i really try hard this year to bcme a good person ...why would i cme back to my past ???..but evrytym i thinking bout dt persons ,,my heart kept tell me that i hate them very much ...myb i ...urghhhh !!!!...why it must be like dz ?????

but ,,if i stay here i thought that i'm selfish ...i'm here ...happily with my sec family but what bout my parents especially my mom ...she'll be alone ...there's no one will help her ...myb they are ,,but not enough ...mom ,,i'm really sorry ...i love u so much ...but i should do the best decision 4 all of us ...

so ..dz is it .. i should stay here day 4 a couple more days ...i thought that evrybdy will hurt when i'm around ...so  ,,i should stay far from u ...but ,,when u cme here i;ll follow u back ...juz dz week ..i want to find the peace 1st ...ok then ,,i want go outing for a moment ...

byeee.........

I'm dead !!!!

OMG !!! OMG !!!! n once again OWH MY GOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ary yg cerah n pagi yg indah cm td sptutnya dnikmati ngan tdo yg cukup ...ahahaha ..duppank ....bngun ja jam *tut ( secret ) ...gerak twu - mak ...adedeyyyy ...

smpai r sda ne konok ....mcm chat da aq rsa skg slps d jga slma bbrpa ary oleh *tut ....ahhahahaha ....then tym mw kuar ngn cuzzy n sista q ne mak kol ;;

tiiittt (bnyi hndphone murah q) .....

mak : mi ...mak balik yea ngn bpk r lu yea ...mak ikut c kakak ...kw plg r ngn c T ...

me : APA ????????????????......haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........

mak : (ketawa) ...alaa nda pa jua kn ?.

me  : hurmm ..

mak : sggh cne lu sblm jln ...

me : oke ...

tut tut tut ( mati r pggln hphne murah q ) ...

owh tidak tidak n TIDAK !!!!!!!!!!!!...

mula r gelisah ...nda t'ckp da aq dlm kreta cm besa ...aq namaw !!!!..mcm2 dlm kpla ....owh no !!! ...mna aq than 1jam lbh diam ja ???...or xkn r aq tydo ja ???...duduk sblhnya g ..owh tidak !!!!!!!! ....

stressnya aq !!!!!!! ...

then c sista tsyg mngasi rileks ...cool bh ...tgl cne r kw ..len kli r plg ....sjuk aty ..tba2 tfikir blk,,, bule ka???....haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ......

i'm in dilema ......

dear E ....tolong ~